I have had two female bosses in my career. Both were ambitious, hardworking, high-achieving senior executives who made all the right moves to climb the corporate ladders. While I learned a lot from them, I never aspired to be like them – dominant, aggressive, tough and goal driven – a price they paid to advance in a masculine world.
In fact, it is derogatory to men by describing masculinity as dominant, aggressive or tough because simply missing femininity doesn’t automatically make someone masculine.
Masculinity is like mountains – strong, stable, centered, principled and reliable. Femininity is like water – flexible, creative, bonding, vulnerable (yes, this is a strength) and accepting. Masculine qualities make a person independent, competent, mentally strong, grounded and reliable. It is about self-care, self-confidence, self-respect and self-esteem. Feminine qualities make a person adaptive, supportive, expressive, giving and receiving. It is about caring, connecting, cooperating, creating and communicating with others.
When we have a weak feminine side, we can be controlling (or manipulative), aggressive, selfish, arrogant or non-communicative – lack a healthy way of relating to others. When we have a weak masculine side, we have difficulty making decisions, taking actions and risks, staying focused or taking responsibilities – lack a healthy way of relating to self. Often our society confuses these concepts and encourages women to only be feminine. When women enter the workplace, many trade femininity for masculinity.
Masculine and feminine qualities are equally powerful. Water, while soft, can shave off rough edges of a rock. A rock can break a powerful wave into splashes. Developing both allows us to live life with ultimate inner power. Balanced people are confident, competent, caring, communicative, flexible and sexy (according to gender). Let us be one of them!
